Pertunia Lehoka

Public Speaker | Author | Relationship Coach | Entrepreneur.
I can help you be all you were meant to be – The Universe makes no mistakes.

Articles

Article 1

​”Every experiment proves something. If it doesn’t prove what you wanted it to prove, it proves something else.” – Prof. Anon. 

We need to learn from failure for us to be successful in all aspects of our lives.

We must take life as a series of experiments to know ourselves, those close to us, those we work with and the world in general. Every success or failure proves something about us and about decisions  we took, which were sometimes bad thereby leading to failure. 

When we do succeed, we become so elated and, often times, we take this for granted and fail to learn from the lessons that led us to succeeding. However, when we fail, it becomes painful to even think about how our failure might have affected those close to us. We battle with the realisation that we made foolish and at times costly mistakes, either because our decisions were solely driven by the intense need to want to succeed or to be counted among those who have.  

We need to guard against diverting our minds and energies to undesirable things in our bid to try to ease the pain of failure or to try to forget about it. The reasons for failure have to be analysed and faced head on and every little detail or step taken needs to be accounted for. This exercise will help in making certain that mistakes like that are not repeated. This will thus improve chances of success.

Let us learn from failure stories. If we keep our ears to the ground and go deeper into an understanding of why successful people are where they are and how they maintain their success, we can find that more often than not, they might have failed in their earlier attempts – many times! In the same way, all great leaders, artists and writers fail several times before they can succeed. It is life!

If they can fail, so can anybody and if they can succeed after failure, so can anybody. The crux is to pick ourselves up after failing and try again. It’s not easy but it is doable.

To those who have failed in one discipline or another last year or the preceding years, as long as there is still breath within you, there’s still a chance to try again until success is achieved. 

©️ 2023 Pertunia Lehoka

Article 2 ~ Hitting rock bottom.

A number of people think that once you hit rock bottom, then that means it’s all over for you, hence that’s called rock bottom. No no no no.

Let’s visit the Wordsmith first and see if we can’t change this definition somehow shall we? ‎

According to the Collins Dictionary, once you’ve reached/hit rock bottom, ‎”you are in such a bad state or are so terribly ‎depressed ‎that your ‎situation could not get any worse.”‎

Another definition of hitting rock bottom, is that of something which is at such a low level, that it cannot go any lower!

Mmmm…

‎I personally believe that rock bottom has a basement and that basement has another basement….

For as long as you’re still breathing, irrespective of how much you might have lost materially, you can change the status quo with the right mindset.

You can cry as much as you want but eventually, your spirit will tell you that it’s all cried out now and needs to do something else other than crying about the undesirable situation.

You might think I don’t know what rock bottom feels like – believe me I do hence I know that there are many basements – metaphorically speaking of course.

Let’s take this literally, as I invite you to bend a bit, go down on your knees and check out what it is that might be walking on the floor, which you might not have taken heed of before, as you kept trampling all over it – all high and mighty! It could be ants or any miniature creature of insignificance, according to you. Truth is, all living creatures have lives of some kind and live at “rock bottom”, where humans never want to find themselves, as they seem so above everything else living there.

I have observed many ants living at rock bottom and you probably would have thought I was nuts, had you seen me checking these mortals out. All these ants are at work, even though we might believe that they’re just crawling aimlessly. They’re indeed at work – all of them hustling and out for survival. As much as they know that venturing out of the small holes they live in might put their lives in danger of being trampled upon by human boots or heels, venturing out they will!  Chances are, the wiser ants might warn the young ones of the no-go areas but, like humans, they want to see what will happen – they will not listen. In my native language Sesotho, “Di batla ho utlwa ka letlalo”

Truth is, they want to survive, unmindful of the risks and danger they might be exposing themselves to. When things don’t go well and perhaps somehow they survive the angry boot, they limp (crawl) along having lost a wing or two and go back to recuperate. Some ants do grow back their wings after having tended to their broken selfs. You might think they will not venture out again – but no, they will go out again, this time wiser. You will find yourself running after these diminutive figures who possess brains as small as a dot, as they outmanouvre‎ you. Lol

Friends, there is no time for self pity – this is earth, where life has to be lived until you die, until you can no longer breathe and your body is six feet underground.

I’m averse to self pity with all my heart – pardon my strong language (hate) but I really do. To me, this is a waste of precious time God has given you and energy. After licking your wounds, you need to be able to  ‎get up, limp along, examine where you tripped and fell and change course.

Have you ever seen a person doing the same thing over and over and over again, while expecting different results every time? This is just madness of the highest degree. It’s more like dancing in one place while turning and turning and turning and turning in one place. At the end of the day, your feet will produce or ignite heat on the ground and dig a hole at the same place you’re dancing at and you might just fall in – mcwiii!

Move around, use the whole stage if you’re to dance to prevent you becoming a driller that ends up being devoured by the same hole you’ve dug unaware.

After hitting rock bottom, use your knees to pray after which you should examine real life at rock bottom. You will see that it’s not so bad there as it affords you a chance to look at things from another perspective and see people for who they really are.

The Power of Rock Bottom – learn from this place. It also helps you see what those who use their boots to trample over those at rock bottom cannot see, as they concentrate on looking above the heads of others. Hit rock bottom ‎and see yourself being elevated by the powers that be as the level of consciousness you will amass after this stint, will surely make you very powerful.

Embrace this new found elevation but learn not to tread on dangerous ground. If there’s one thing the universe loathes, is for people to use their new found wings to blind people with those wings. The universe is a very fair player and uses the power of a boomerang to pay back. Take heed – this is not a joke!

Do not cry forever folks. If you can read this post, you are quite capable of changing your bad situation. Pride will not help you – reach out and start afresh. Life has to be lived. If you quit or give up, you are in essence saying, “I no longer want to live”. This is when this life will be taken away from you and we know what happens after people die – those who are left behind will continue with their lives because at the end of the day, life has to be lived, with all its challenges.

I wish you peace and good health and remember to never cry incessantly as you’re inviting negative energy into your life if you do so, as well as to those you share your life with. This is one unfortunate outcome nobody wants for their life.

****

Excerpt from Heart & Soul by Pertunia Lehoka

©️ 2018 Pertunia Lehoka

Article 3 ~ Accept changes

Change can never take place where comfort is too prevalent. Once our comfort zone becomes interrupted or disturbed, we are forced to change gears by either lowering the gear or accelerating, depending on which area of our lives needs the change. 

Let us appreciate God’s intervention into our comfort zone, as He seeks to only remind us that it’s time to grow into the persons we have been destined to become. Everything that happens in our lives is intertwined and has been perfectly orchestrated to propel our evolution as human beings and reveal our true power. We are all powerful beings and it’s important to allow ourselves to learn from life, so that we can be taken to places where we’re meant to be.

We cannot simply exist but we need to live a purposeful life. Imagine if you were to carry a baby on your back for months without putting him/her in his/her court or allowing them to be free to crawl.  I shudder to think what could happen to the body, mind, spirit  and soul of that baby! His/her whole being will become crippled because humans are supposed to grow and move from one stage to the other. 

If we find ourselves in a situation where our growth is stifled by either our work, our partners or even those we might have elected to bring close to us, we will surely become like that baby, leading to many if not all aspects of our lives becoming crippled. 

Stagnation kills not only the mind but the human spirit as well. 

It’s your life – do yourself a favour, live it. 

©️ Pertunia Lehoka

Article 4 ~ Betrayal hurts and leaves wounds

Have you been betrayed? How do you know if you have been betrayed? Do you believe that you were naive to have entrusted your truth, your secret, your very essence to another person? Do you feel that somehow you contributed to the betrayal happening to you? Did you trust too quickly? Did you believe that you deserved loyalty by virtue of family ties, relationship (girlfriend or boyfriend, wife or husband?); Colleagues, Acquaintances? Do you tell people everything that is or should be reserved for your spirit only? Have you healed from the pain of betrayal? 

Betrayal hurts and disempowers ; Betrayal strips us of our confidence and leaves us in a circuitous place, where we question ourselves over and over regarding how we could have been so dense, by subjecting ourselves to situations that would leave our hearts constantly trampled upon. 

Help yourself today by renouncing that soul tie, to enable yourself to live a happy life, while you call on your spiritual antenna, to help you discern bad energy threatening to overwhelm you or that threatens to lead you into a dark hole by stripping you of your dignity through the power of their betrayal. 

Remember to always do good – even if it makes no sense to your physical realm. Learn to de-clutter the soul, while inviting good energy to infiltrate your whole being, thereby sending peaceful vibrations to your spirit being. ‎

Below is a sample prayer, which you can use simply as a guideline to help you get to a peaceful space where you have renounced the tie that you carry with you as a result of betrayal by the one(s) you had trusted with every fibre of your being. 

You can use it to inspire you in your own prayers, modifying it as it suits your situation.

This prayer can help you avoid further emotional damage from bitterness and negative desires for revenge. It may seem like a miracle right now that you won’t suffer from these emotions forever but humans are stronger than we realise and we should be able to deal with everything that life throws our way. 

Peace be with you. ‎

©️ Pertunia Lehoka

A Prayer for healing from betrayal

“Dear God, thank you for always being faithful to me. I can always count on you to love me completely and unconditionally. Thank you for being perfectly trustworthy. I can always rely on you to do what’s best for me and help me with whatever I need. Please help me remember that you are here for me even when others betray me.

You know all of the painful thoughts and feelingsI’m dealing with after being betrayed by [mention your specific situation here]. I can’t believe this happened to me. It hurts so much to have someone I thought I could trust do this to me.

God, I need a miracle to find peace after what I’ve been through. Please give me that peace so I can think about the betrayal from your perspective and control my emotions rather than having them control me.

God, I know you agree that betrayal is wrong and are just as upset as I am about what has happened to me.

But I also know that you want me to forgive [name the person who betrayed you]. Honestly, I don’t want to forgive, but I don’t want to hurt myself more by holding onto bitterness or pursuing revenge. Empower me to forgive by letting go of the offence and trusting you to bring justice to the situation in the right way and at the right time. Please free me from the burden of holding onto a grudge and help me move on with my life well.

God, I confess that this betrayal has damaged my confidence. I feel insecure and blame myself for mistakes I made in the relationship before I was betrayed. I wonder what I could have done differently to prevent this betrayal from happening. Please steer me away from wasting my time and energy living in the past, and help me focus now on how I can best move into a better future. Remind me of how valuable I am as a person, and let me sense your love for me in tangible ways, such as an encouraging message from a guardian angel that you have assigned to care for me.

As I move forward with the other relationships in my life, help me not to punish those who have goodwill towards me by assuming that they will betray me like [your spouse, your friend, etc.] did.

Help me to trust the people I know who are treating me well. After I’ve worked through the forgiveness process with [the person who betrayed you], help me to rebuild trust in our relationship gradually over time, if he or she is willing to change and reconcile with me.

Show me people who can support me as I recover from this betrayal, such as a counsellor, a clergy, friends, and family members who are caring and trustworthy. Thank you for them. Please please bless them for their help as well as for caring about me and for fulfilling your mandate.

As I come to you today Lord, I trust you to give me a sign that I have truly healed from the stripes of betrayal. Help me to discern your voice from all others.

In Jesus’ name.

AMEN”‎

A Prayer for healing from betrayal

“Dear God, thank you for always being faithful to me. I can always count on you to love me completely and unconditionally. Thank you for being perfectly trustworthy. I can always rely on you to do what’s best for me and help me with whatever I need. Please help me remember that you are here for me even when others betray me.

 

You know all of the painful thoughts and feelingsI’m dealing with after being betrayed by [mention your specific situation here]. I can’t believe this happened to me. It hurts so much to have someone I thought I could trust do this to me.

God, I need a miracle to find peace after what I’ve been through. Please give me that peace so I can think about the betrayal from your perspective and control my emotions rather than having them control me.

 

God, I know you agree that betrayal is wrong and are just as upset as I am about what has happened to me.

But I also know that you want me to forgive [name the person who betrayed you]. Honestly, I don’t want to forgive, but I don’t want to hurt myself more by holding onto bitterness or pursuing revenge. Empower me to forgive by letting go of the offence and trusting you to bring justice to the situation in the right way and at the right time. Please free me from the burden of holding onto a grudge and help me move on with my life well.

God, I confess that this betrayal has damaged my confidence. I feel insecure and blame myself for mistakes I made in the relationship before I was betrayed. I wonder what I could have done differently to prevent this betrayal from happening. Please steer me away from wasting my time and energy living in the past, and help me focus now on how I can best move into a better future. Remind me of how valuable I am as a person, and let me sense your love for me in tangible ways, such as an encouraging message from a guardian angel that you have assigned to care for me.

 

As I move forward with the other relationships in my life, help me not to punish those who have goodwill towards me by assuming that they will betray me like [your spouse, your friend, etc.] did.

Help me to trust the people I know who are treating me well. After I’ve worked through the forgiveness process with [the person who betrayed you], help me to rebuild trust in our relationship gradually over time, if he or she is willing to change and reconcile with me.

 

Show me people who can support me as I recover from this betrayal, such as a counsellor, a clergy, friends, and family members who are caring and trustworthy. Thank you for them. Please please bless them for their help as well as for caring about me and for fulfilling your mandate.

As I come to you today Lord, I trust you to give me a sign that I have truly healed from the stripes of betrayal. Help me to discern your voice from all others.

 

In Jesus’ name.

AMEN”‎